Anonymous Poem

In Re: CONFUSION

 

I want to be alone
But once I am
I can't stand
The solitude
I want everything to be quiet
But once it is
I can't stand
The silence
I want to live my life
But once I start
I just feel like dying
I want to be happy
But once I am
I always become sad
I want to laugh
But when I do
I feel like crying
I want to be loved
But once I am
I feel nothing but hate
I want to forget the past
But once I do
I feel ashamed
I want to be strong
But once I am
I always become weak
I don't know
What's wrong
I don't know why
I feel this way
Just please understand
I'm confused.

EMERSON’S SUCCESS

 

 
 

To laugh often and much,

To win the respect of intelligent people

And the affection of children,

To earn the appreciation

of honest critics and endure

the betrayal of false friends

To appreciate beauty,

to find the best in others!

To leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child,

a garden patch

or a redeemed social condition.

To know even one life

has breathed easier

Because you have lived~~~~

This is to have succeeded.

 
 

        RALPH WALDO EMERSON

On Disappointment

The challenge of the day is to understand why a close friend has been non-responsive to my reach-out. On the one hand, I can give the benefit of a doubt and assume the message was not received. If proved that my assumption is accurate, then there's no problem. Yet I really do not think that the safest assumption which then leaves the prospect of a deliberate decision not to respond. Surely a rason exist but I do not know it. Perhaps she's just giving me a taste of my own medicine as I too have tried to create distance by not always being available. Who's to say she is not as disappointed as me. Bottom line—some distance needs to exist during this transitory time we're in but not when I need a word of encouragement to get me through those days when I weaken and just want a simple "How ya doin?".

The One

It's a relationship that has been equally passionate and tumultuous but could never work. But, there exists a chemistry that is undeniable; it will not die. The consequence is pure torture for me; unable to grasp the the one who will remain just beyond my reach.

And on and on and on

No matter how frequently I pledge to myself to blog more, it just doesn't happen The profession consumes me; lures me to rocky shores like the sirens of Greece. And this represents a harbinger of change---so I can blog more! Yeah, that's the ticket.

Life as a lawyer for the past quarter century brought me tremendously exciting experiences; with reputational success marked by an "AV" rating from my peers. An acumen for people, behaviors and transactions are inherent in my being because of the "lawyering" I've done. The earning of "some degree of wealth" has been dissipated by judicial decree in the marital dissolution setting to an underserving "HER". On the bright side, it's extraordinarlily liberating to be shed of HER and I do believe that these 25 years of life's imbalance causally related to the practice represent the cornerstone for my re-birth and re-location. Mentally I am there. Traction, however, given ongoing client obligations and duties to my offspring, is more elusive.

I have hope. And patience.

Courage to Emigrate

The restlessness is overwhelming. It's akin to the itch of an ivy of the poison type.

After 28 years of life in the law firm setting, working without limits, earning self-worth, I began a solo practice last week, a precipitous decision born of frustration and the depletion of tolerance. The response from friends and colleagues was so very encouraging. Success and reputation were built; a life secure relative to so many others less fortunate.

Why is it so easy for me to be dismissive of it all these days; to discard it to undertake my dream of emigration, of travel with only pennies, my camera, my journal; wading into the unknown to savor every moment?

The courage to embark on the unorthodox is elusive.

Ambiguity

I work earnestly day to day and have every reason to remain confident but somehow it seems elusive. Just today, while meeting with a dear colleague, we discussed my decision to practice solo and she suddenly blurted out, " You know you could write your own ticket!!"

Maybe I could. Yet I wanna be an expatriate.